about the webmaster

sept 19 2025

wow. the site has come a long way since i last wrote an entry. i ended up not using the ribo.zone template anymore even though it looked amazing. i wanted the challenge of coding something from scratch. i also kinda like the idea of everything free floating (more or less) on each page. not using a template kind of gives me that freedom and i feel like it's a little bit closer to an old web cameron's world type vibe? idk. anyway there's more uncertainty in my life than im used to right now and spending time on this website (like a LOT of time) has been really helpful for me.

here's kind of a personal entry that i'd usually save for my journal but tbh i don't think journaling is for me. i tend to only want to do it when i'm in a bad mood. i read somewhere that for journaling or any other coping mechanism to be helpful, you should do it consistently, not just when you're upset or when you're happy. i can see myself typing some quick stream-of-consciousness stuff here just to give an update on my life and the website much more consistently, so i'm gonna try it. of course that means that i might get pretty personal at times but it's really just for me--don't feel obligated to read any of this.

anyway, the big thing stressing me out rn is college. i've been on a break bc this past semester i started feeling really burnt out from all the classes i was taking. i kept feeling like i could see my future and it was miserable, and none of the other options i had in front of me (for a career) would lead to a not miserable life either. whenever this happens (which is often unfortunately) i end up completely shutting down my life and self-isolating which obviously makes it worse. feeling hopeless about the future sucks so much. many days i wouldn't bother getting out of bed unless it was to take care of my dog. his name is crime btw and he keeps me sane!!!! currently there's a cursed pic of him on the home page but i will definitely be adding more because i love him and i like to show him off.

now that i'm thinking about changing my major (from info systems to music lol...accepting the different set of risks that come with that) and basically doing an overhaul of my life, i've stopped feeling so crushingly hopeless. there's a possibility that i could make a different situation work for me, and that's really all i needed to start getting my life back together. i'm discovering some of my limitations, but also some strengths and capabilities i didn't think i had! even if things don't work out, i can at least say that i didn't gave up on myself. i need a radical change and radical change always requires risk. also something i've learned about myself is that it's crucial to strike while the iron is hot. since i feel better these days i'm putting myself to work!

also i'm seeing a neurologist at the end of october bc i prob have some peripheral nerve issues which is so annoying :/ i do pretty much everyhing with my hands (i mean don't most people) but obv coding, writing, and playing instruments which are like the 3 main things i do in life are very dependent on my ability to use my hands. my symptoms have been getting worse so i'm a little scared of losing sensation in my fingers if i don't find out what's going on. hopefully they can just crack my back really hard or something and make it all go away but idk. this is really the first time i've ever had to see a specialist or be responsible for my own appointments so it's been stressful. responsibility :// never been a fan honestly

sept 3 2025
hi :-)

it's been such a long time since i've worked on this site. i think in november it'll be a full year since i started hosting a website on neocities. this site has been through so many makeovers...from attempting to hand code myself to using a template to going back to hand coding to quitting etc. etc. etc. back to using a template. shout out ribo.zone one of my fav sites i've found on here! and this template is awesome. i've cycled through so many different usernames and site names too. let's hope "common pest" is the one that sticks.

i'm at a point in my life where i'm trying a lot of different things. i've been feeling really lost and hopeless lately, esp. when it comes to the internet. i really dislike the current state of social media, but it's been kind of a necessity for me as someone who doesn't go out nearly as much as i used to and doesn't really enjoy the usual kinds of socializing. it's nice to be able to talk to people in my niche communities, on my own terms for the most part. i do wish that i got out more. i used to love going to social events and talking to people but these days i just don't have the energy.

like many of us on the personal web, i've grown to despise the social media platforms we've all grown to rely on like, instagram, twitter, tiktok, etc... i hate that they are perfectly designed to entrap us in their endless scroll, i hate that they track our every move and then sell that information to advertisers who prey on us further, i hate feeling like i'm constantly being sold something whenever i want to feel some version of human connection, i hate feeling like my value as a person hinges on how much attention i can get online, i hate that the algorithm knows exactly what to show me to make me stay online longer, which also happens to be the most damaging content to constantly feed my brain, and i hate hate hate that i waste my mental energy on APPS!!!!! when i could be reading, writing, learning a new skill, drawing, hell going outside...really doing any of the things that are actually fulfilling and make life feel worth living!!

idk how to end this entry. here's to this new iteration of my website! i'm gonna continue working on it every day and hopefully i'll be done with it soon. :-))))